May 8, 20234 min read

Narcissist as partner: He is so confident and strong...

There are different types of narcissists, and they attract different types of partners, with specific traits. And what does it possibly say about you if you fall for a narcissist? In this blog, I would like to outline an example as this one was told to me. The characters have been enlarged into caricatures to reinforce and clarify the story. In this example, I use a depressed narcissistic partner. You might recognise someone in this.

The fairytale begins so beautifully...

Imagine a man and a woman with an incredible attraction towards each other. As if they were made for each other. They are drawn to each other like magnets. The man is big and strong and she is an impulsive frightened woman. They get talking. Unconsciously, they recognise something in each other. It is the feeling of deep emptiness and recognition. He is strong. And she admires this about him. "How well you handle that, I wish I could.... I am not suggesting anything." This is very convenient for him because he needs more space.

They start a relationship, a romantic relationship like you only see in films. She thinks she has finally found someone who feels her so well, who gives her the strength she lacks. And with whom she can handle life together! She thinks Together we are One. He thinks you are zero and I am one and together we are One.

I found myself again!

After a while, the woman crawled out of the valley and can take on the world again. Now I can live my life on my own again! I got so much from him and now I can do it on my own again. The last few months were wonderful. They were hugely attached to each other and did everything together. It was really a wonderful time... Now the woman does want to meet up with her own friends and girlfriends again.

Then it begins. The husband says "That's not going to happen!" After all, you are there to admire and adore him. And all your time belongs to Him. Not to others. "Yes but I can go out into the world now and take steps into the future again because you have helped me so much." But He won't let you. "You stay here." They get into huge arguments. "I want my own life too." In the end, she stays with him because she is afraid of losing him, afraid of being left alone, afraid she won't make it on her own because he had given her that strength after all. And she gives up more and more of her freedom. She is no longer allowed to go to friends, then not to girlfriends, then not to siblings, then not to her parents, and eventually she does not see her own children either. Slowly she becomes isolated from the outside world and there is only her world with him.... This sometimes makes it even harder for her to leave, especially when small children are involved.

There is also an alternative story...

Then it begins. The man says "That's not going to happen!" And she says "Yes but I want to have my own life too!" They get into a huge argument. She wants autonomy, he wants her to keep worshipping him. She tries to explain calmly and sweetly but that only adds fuel to the fire. The argument is intense, as intense as the sex. But in argument there is nothing fine about that vehemence. The man immediately goes on the attack "You want to leave, then fuck off! I never want to see you again!" She runs away, goes to her friends, to complain about him. Of course that got all wrong, when he heard that, he got even angrier. "Fuck off! I have no use for this! All you do is create drama."

He did say they were together but really he was just using her emptiness to project his own greatness onto. And now that she is claiming her own space that is completely kicking against the wrong leg. Then fuck off. "There are other dependent women who need a strong man I can get into my bed.... "

Women who feel emptiness think he is helping them fill that void but he is not doing it to help them but to show off himself.

How to proceed now?

In this story, I use a man as an example. In fact, this is often the case. If a woman has experienced a similar childhood, she usually does not become narcissistic as described but a borderliner. The partner of the narcissistic man is often a Borderliner woman.

Want to know more about how to deal with a narcissistic partner? Do you want to know what makes you attracted? Are you curious about how to step out of this dance?

Then send me a DM!

The next blog is a very practical test to find out if your partner is narcissistic. Don't want to miss this one? Then subscribe and get notified of the next blog!

Doe nu direct de test! TEST 1: Is mijn partner een narcist?